I’d like to talk in this article about a specific kind of depression, linked with the stresses of growing up in the shadow of narcissistic parents. As I wrote in my last article “What is Narcissism”, a narcissistic parent is akin to Geocentrism: they have an insistent need for the Universe to revolve around them, and a concurrent, linked need …
Narcissist Survivors' Club – What is Narcissism?
A couple of years ago, I wrote a small article with this title, and it must have found a home somewhere on the internet, because I regularly receive enquiries about it. I decided it was high time I followed it up, so here goes. The concept of narcissism has moved mainstream, which can only be good news in my opinion. …
Loneliness, Belonging & the Hunt for Admiration
We are tribal creatures. For thousands of years, human beings have depended upon living in groups in order to survive. When we exist successfully with other people, we gain a deep sense of belonging that is fundamental to human wellbeing. When we gain true acceptance, we don’t have to compulsively seek attention. We can just be. This kind of belonging …
Objectification: Monster in the Shadows
Current events in our culture or family lives can lead many of us to raise our hands in despair, and ask: “Why do (other!) people never learn?” Things can seem so bad, on so many fronts that we can feel overwhelmed and powerless. This article is intended to highlight a connection between prevailing problems we encounter in apparently unrelated areas …
Seniors and Depression
Until recently, in our society, we seemed to equate getting older and retiring as slowing down. We expected that as a person would age, they would slow down, sleep more, go into retirement and just fade into the background. That is not the reality today. Seniors are living longer, are in better health, and seem to be able to conquer …
The Narcissist Survivors' Club
This is the phrase I sometimes have in my mind when I think about my practice, and about therapy in general. It doesn’t describe everyone who comes to therapy, but both the incidence and the suffering involved are considerable. It is deeply instructive to me that so many people facing struggles in life have suffered at the hands of narcissistic …
Scapegoating & Group Narcissism
We tend to look at the great societal challenges we face in isolated, fragmented terms. Racism, homophobia, religious intolerance, sexism, inequality, organized crime, nationalism – individual fights and movements are underway in courageous attempts to make the world a better place, but they are issues that are often seen as distinct, separate in their identity, as if they had nothing …
Depression: Is it Really a Disease?
Melancholia, the word written in the engraving by Durer shown here (1514), is an old name for what we now call Depression. The word originates from the Greek, meaning “Black bile”. People thought that this “bile” was the bodily cause of depressive states. But bile was not the only supposed cause of this mysterious disease (Disease is from the old …
How Does Therapy Work? Eco-Systems of Mental Health
As a psychotherapist I am often asked the question, “How does therapy work?” There is no quick and easy answer to this question. Every modality of therapy is different and each therapist works differently within these modalities. Even my own approach will be different from client to client depending on the individual needs and personality of each person I see. …
It's 2015, Where's My Happiness?
There’s plenty to say about Freud’s mistakes. He was as faulty and confused a pioneer as any. We do, of course, also owe him a great debt, and do not dismiss the totality of him lightly. One of his better works, brilliant in many ways, is “Civilization and its Discontents”. Written in 1930, it is as relevant today as it …
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